Story of a lovesick fool

Lately, I found that I could not write about her,
It’s not that there are no feelings to describe,
It’s not even a problem of having second thoughts about those feelings.
The problem is that no matter how much I have delved into my brain or how much effort I put into finding a way to arrange & align all thoughts I want to write about,
A way I haven’t still figured out.

But here I’m staring at the blank page,
Which reminds me of my younger self,
Because like there are no words on that paper,
I used to believe there’s nothing called ‘love’
that exists in today’s world,
Even though I have had multiple flings,
For me, Love was just one of the myths.
I used to believe that love is like a fairy tale,
A mere fantasy,
Something that exists in stories only.

But who had an idea that what fate had in its store,
She came into my life,
And crushed my perspective about love,
As if wave-whimsies destroys the castle of sand on the shore.
Beautiful but far & distant like the star,
yet she managed to captivate my heart;
I felt my heart letting go of the chains that were keeping me from falling in love.
She touched parts of my soul that I did not know existed.
And I discovered poetry,
to express this new-found love in this beautiful form of art,
Thanks to her or should I say thanks to that cupid’s dart?

This is what I say changed me forever,
I saw a beautiful girl who could never be forgotten.
And the imperfections she claimed to have, Simply didn’t matter,
Because she had a soul so pure and a heavenly beauty that could not be matched.
I didn’t even realize when I lost my heart to her. when the cupid’s dart skewed thought my heart.

Now, I want to be someone who can make her laugh and smile,
make her tears disappear if the need arise,
Her dreams are now part of my prayers;
Her wish my command; Her joy my duty.
We are so far away from each other,
but something keeps us close.
Just seeing her name flash makes my day,
Never knew that I could feel this way.
Thinking about her, every single day,
She moves me in a way I’ve never felt before.
Each time we talk, I can’t help wanting more,
Disconnected from her physically yet, in every waking realm it is her, that I see, maybe I’m watching endless scenes of a dream within a dream.
A quantum entanglement of love that enraptures me indefinitely,
Evermore a timeless tease, a trap that brings me to my very knees.
A cruel game engraved in my destiny.

Though Deep down inside I already knew the chances are slim, It’s no secret that I can’t hide my feelings.
But in exchange for my confession,
I got the pain,
the anguish when I realized that she doesn’t feel the same.
And I got lost in the never-ending cycle of re-reading old messages, sitting in silence wondering where it all went wrong, making up scenarios in my head of all the lost possibilities.
Attachment sucks.
It made me look stupid when all I was doing is making an effort to talk to her,
To save our friendship,
I wasn’t in a position to ask for more,
Because now she had a boyfriend,
I thought eventually I will get annoyed at myself for wanting to talk to her.

I kept telling myself that this feeling of love is just a fragile bubble,
too easy to pop with a single pinprick.
So, I started going out with other girls but even that failed to do the trick.
I lied once again to myself, I thought this ‘bubble’,
with the passing time will become thinner,
And it will just vanish into nothingness without any trace of its prior existence.
But even the ever turning wheel of the time wasn’t able to end my feelings for her,

Those perpetual feelings seemed to have eternal persistence.

It was clear that these feelings can’t go away,
So, to deal with this I found another way,
I started telling myself why I’m not worthy of getting her love,
Once known as ‘overconfident and boasting’ type me,
Started becoming familiar with my so many flaws.
All attempts to take her out of my heart were failed badly,
I was sick of choosing between heart or mind, consistently.
And somehow my heart always dominated,
Which kept telling himself that it’s okay,
‘Cause at least, we were still friends.

It was that ineffable friendship that was bringing us close once again,
This time I decided to stay cool, play safe,
I didn’t want to set things back to the time when even our friendship was almost-lost.
So, I set some limits for me, made some laws,
I decided to talk with her only within a certain time period a day,
No video calls not even voice calls.
No matter how much my heart yearn to hear her sweet voice,
These limits soon started feeling like prison walls, suffocating my love-sick heart.

Fate,
Who was already, cruelly testing her strength,
Was now testing my patience, my love.
This time, she made me confess my love, once again,
But as I had predicted it didn’t matter,
Cause she had already started dating someone new,
Letting my heart to sink into far deep of the blue.
I decided to stick to my already defined limits.
But what was the use? How was I going to hide something that she already knew?

A friend, just a friend, Is that what all I am supposed to be?
close but not close enough,
What we share can only go so far?
Never felt the ‘distance’ so palpably,
When he proposed and she said yes,
Oh lord, my mind became an absolute mess.
My world, a complete mayhem.

I lay numb on the bed for hours, hands shaking, breath ripping at my lungs.
The love I feel turned into blood flowing through my veins,
Pumping from my damaged yet functioning heart.
Heart, which was deeply hurt by her,
but the blame isn’t all for her,
cause I’m the only one who loved her.
Even the wounds she inflicts, I shall treasure for eternity.
Even still, I want to reassure her that she’s my world and I’ll do whatever I have to be in her orbit.

Why I hold on?
I do not know, I probably will never know why.
Should move forward, Yes, But I feel like I would rather just die.
Maybe I’m just another page in her book, torn and cut, she didn’t bother to look.
But my friend, I have this bad habit, I never lie,
So, It was true when I told her that my love is at the stage, from where it will never die.

My heart has filled itself again with maybe-false hope,
That it will all be okay.
It wants to keep trying until my patience runs dry.
It doesn’t want to believe the inevitable
I know it does sounds stupid.
As dumb & crazy as I sound like a lovesick fool.

– Mahesh.

96 thoughts on “Story of a lovesick fool

  1. beautiful… being friend-zoned sucks… and I’m sorry for that… but the feelings are really beautiful poetry….

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Wow, I hope this is a true story awaiting a good ending sometime in the near future 💘

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It is a true story! And I’m also waiting for the good days ✌
      Thank you Akeela 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So much heartbreak. But good job, your writing is fantastic!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Wow! Amazing confessions as stated, hoping the emotional extension of the pen leads to better days.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Waiting for those better days ✌
      Thank you 🙂

      Like

      1. Always be of grateful mind and it begins…

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Aptly expressed!!
    We try to logic ourselves. Out of sight, out of mind. It was meant to be this way. I was never right for him or her anyways. Time is a healer. And though it’s smart to try to console self and many a times it does work. But at times, when it doesn’t, everything stops making any sense et all.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Love is something that goes beyond our logic…
      Thank you for stopping by 😇

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Pleasure

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I couldn’t agree more Mahesh 👌

        Liked by 1 person

  6. ah, i too have been there. There are big lessons for you in this, my friend. But not for your head to figure out. Love is the answer, and the question at once. om shanti

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I had to read to the end…hoping against hope! Love can become an inexplicable obsession but love that wants the best for the other is real and pure.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for reading till the end!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Love, it just happens. It doesn’t think of friendship or anything else. It’s a pure feeling anyone can possess. It’s not always necessary that the person will get his love in return but Falling in love, that is pure and true is also very uncommon. Not everyone can feel it.
    Nice writing. Thanks for sharing ☺️👍

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree with you, not everyone can feel it. Though, my love isn’t successful (yet) , I think LOVE is the most wonderful feeling ❤
      Thank you for reading 😇

      Liked by 1 person

  9. This is just gorgeous. A man coming from his heart is the way to a woman’s heart 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know how but your comment was in the spam hence such late reply…
      Thank you Tiffany 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Great blog! Thanks for stopping by… jc

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Loved reading your post. An emotional love story. ☺
    I am relatively new to blogging. Love it when I come across blog like that of yours.
    I am just 3 posts old and working on a series as of now. Would be please if you visit my blog.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you Hema ji 😇
      Welcome to Blogosphere! Wish you a blogging journey!!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Dhanyawad Mahesh. ☺. Apla bhet hoyilach ikadde punha.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Arre waah! Kiti tari divasani konitari marathi comment keli 😁

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Rida 😇
      But, sorry I don’t do award posts.

      Like

  13. Beautifully penned. I can feel the grief, emotional breakdown you going through by your writing. It’s hard to forget but a little distraction can do better sometime.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Distraction… Well, that’s what I’m trying from last few months but she have become the habit I can’t seem to break. It’s like I could run away but still I’d end up chasing her.
      Btw, thank you for stopping by 🙂

      Like

      1. Don’t you think that you r devaluing yourself. Is she really deserve or is she a loyal person. Anyways , leave it . It’s your personal choice and I have no right to give you advice. Thanks for following my blog 😊

        Like

      2. Is she really deserve? Yes.
        Is she a loyal person? Absolutely!
        Am I devaluing myself? I really don’t think so. very few people in today’s world get to feel the true love and I’m one of those blessed souls who can love someone even if I don’t get her love in return.

        Thank you for your concerns! And you’re welcome 😇

        Liked by 1 person

  14. All that you’ve written is so beautiful, but really? I hear all your pain and it makes me wonder, that really?? A girl? The cause so much of pain? So does love actually exist? Like I love my mom, dad n everyone but the movies kind of love… But your post makes it sound so real, though I don’t want it to be , hahaha. Very beautifully written. I don’t know about love, but everyone deserves someone who values their worth. And guess what, it’s not a lie, everything does get better, in the end.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Does love actually exists? Well, I think love exists in everyone who believes in it and love can be unconditional too. In fact I would say every TRUE love is an unconditional one. It’s never “If you’ll love me, I’ll love you”

      And yes, everything does get better and I’m waiting for that better time ✌
      Thank you dear 🙂

      Like

  15. I like your bio…… And this too!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This is so honest. Beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Now I know what I’ve been missing all this while. A refreshing read on my comeback to wordpress. A great write up. Kuddos to the heartfelt words.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. The post reflects honesty and engages the reader’s heart to the end…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Welcome… just Geetika will do…

        Liked by 1 person

  19. You falling in love 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Wow..Beautiful…It was painful yet very beautiful.I wish you get what your heart yearns for.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Reading your post I remember one popular hindi song
    “Mein phir bhi tumko chahunga”.
    Loving someone is the most beautiful feelings. You are indeed lucky to be blessed with such feelings.
    😊 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Anushka 😇
      PS : I love love that song ❤ #relatable

      Like

  22. Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet and commented:
    GREAT READ WITH LOTS OF SEEDS OF INSPIRATION AND THOUGHT PROVOKING PHRASES. A VERY HEARTFELT PIECE!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. This is amazing little brother… You write so well…. I feel sorry… But enough of love…. Be a good boy… Go learn… Typical sisters advice. But I suck in consoling but I do know it’s hard. May b things might turn out good in future. Loved ur write up

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We both suck in consoling! Thank you so much akka 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Wow this is deep! Life is strange you never know, your wish may come true one day! Perseverance and faith is a real thing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for stopping by… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  25. I loved your tagline!
    Too creative!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. I’m wondering how old you sure? (I’m a bit of a Nona) maybe she really was t the one? You have to imagine there is someone out there and she was not her. Don’t give up. Cheers,H

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m 21. Sorry for the late reply. I was not much active on WordPress. I’m trying. I’m hoping that I will meet someone who can make me feel what I feel about HER. Thank you for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, young love. I remember it well.
        Hits you like a speeding train. Cripples you so you cant get away. Cheers,H

        Liked by 1 person

  27. Mahesh, this is a profoundly moving piece, both for its message and the words you use to express yourself. It put in mind my youngest daughter’s anguish when her boy friend ditched her. She was so devastated that even mention of his name made her tremble. She repeatedly asked “Why has God done this to me.” Her unhappiness and longing drove her to go to Medical School, a place where her time was taken up by studies and volunteer outreach. She was invited to his wedding but didn’t go. She didn’t date. At the conclusion of medical school she met a young doctor. They conducted a long distance romance and her heart reopened. They were married within a year and now have three children. My message to you is that once your heart has opened it CAN do so again. This is not to say that that memory of that first love ever disappears it is just that it becomes a little less encompassing when one realizes that love can expand and that one love may not fully eclipse a second nay it may pave the way. Keep an open mind and good luck. I believe that being able to love in this way is a gift and, from your writing, I know that you have it within you for it to reoccur!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jane.Thank you for stopping by and sharing the story of your daughter. means a lot. I’m not sure how to respond… All I have to say is ‘Thank you”

      Like

  28. Such a poignant and beautiful post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. my pleasure 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  29. Beautiful confession from the heart! Very genuine! Beautifully written

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Wow Mahesh! A heartfelt writing, sab ke dil ko chugaya. Won’t say don’t worry nanba, for i knw that’s not possible at least as of now. But do take care of urself and give your heart some time to heal. Thanks for leading me to your wonderful blog. I am enjoying the tour. Take care Nanba…..

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Lovely. I especially like the line, “Her dreams are now part of my prayers.”

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to helentastic67 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close